So many things have changed, but me

This is my 2nd generation blog. All the previous posts are erased from here for the new start.

As the title says, so many things've changed during I stopped writing here. I met the love of my life I never imagined it would happen to me, left Bilbao to go to Mallorca for 3 months, and am working in a small city in Navarra. Here I'm living with a girl from Uruguay (she's so sweet) and making new friends, as I do always.

The 1st year after leaving Bilbao was hard but interesting enough. 

I always force myself to find new things, but it doesn't mean that I love changes. There are as opposite as two poles between what I want to do and what I really do. 

The 1st day I arrived to Mallorca leaving everything I made behind, I felt so lost that I didn't know why I was there. Soon I got used to the new beach-life - that once you finished the work, all you did is to pack your things and to go to the beach cross the street. 

Then I came back to Bilbao for a month, looking for a new job. Under the economic crisis it was not easy to find a job, especially for a foreigner, but luckily one of the companies that I sent my CV contacted for the interview. They hired me immediately - it was October 2012. Then I moved to Tudela, Navarra. 

This 2nd part of my blog will consist of words finding my ego, I've been struggling for 2 years since I started this job - that my ego always crashes with the ego of company (or my bosses') and it seems that I lost enough the self-confidence I had before. The main story is still being 'Living in Spain as Foreigner', but this time, can be defined as 'Living in Spain as Korean Girl'.

P.S - I started to learn Sevillana Dance. I think it's nice learning something you never wanted to do.

Long time no see!

Hello blog, long time no see. If you ask me where I've been so far, I say I was stuck on myself struggling to survive in the jungle to pass myself into the 2nd part of the history. Fortunately, (although I started to walk this way so alone) I didn't finish alone. I met a guy on the middle of, or maybe at the very beginning of this way, who always keeps me warm and safe, and makes me not to be afraid of standing on my own two feet. This is another story of the second part of my life.

Since I met him, my life has been changed a lot. I started to see everything positive and be happy every moment (if I read all my last posts I may say 'who is this gloomy lady?'.... if I'm exaggerating a little bit..), found the real value of life, one of them, the love, of course.... and got a new job (even thought it wasn't from what I expected), moved away from Bilbao due to the job location, cut some off my life, and invited some others to my life, ....

Meanwhile, I received an e-mail from a guy who lived in Germany at the moment, (he moved to Bilbao, soon) that his wife used to read my post on the blog and he hoped that everything had been better as last may. It was a huge reminder that I almost forgot that I had used to write something here. I stopped writing since I left to Mallorca for 3 months that I preferred being floating in the sea like seaweeds, without complicated thinking and with only complete peace that the sound of ocean gave me. There I met many good friends as the travel always brings me good people, enjoyed so much the summer time, then came back to peninsula where my love is.

And there was no one

This new start makes me dizzy. That dizzying is a sort of fear I'm faced every time. It is an intricate mixture of feelings. And I ask to myself, 'am I doing right?' thousand times. There's no certain place I could take a rest. Sometimes the circumstances make me believe that I'm in a safe zone, and they change as soon as I feel relief.

Yesterday, I found a document file on my desktop, it was a short record of the bad moments I had before. When I realized what it was I felt like deleting it immediately, however, I decided to read it once more before I did. All the letters were written with a plenty of disappointment, sorrow, loneliness and there was only me and nobody. I wrote and hided it even from myself, cuz I needed to express the feeling I had but I didn't want to share it with no one. So now I got an interesting source of trouble. Should I delete it and pretend as if those memories didn't exist at all? Would I not regret if I delete it?

Actually, the file contains also good moments even though they occupy a very small space among the letters. This drives me into the edge of my inner peace. I'm about to fall into the swamp of melancholia, because I know that they won't be removed from my head even though I delete the file. Deleting the file is just an emblematic doing. Would it work? Let's see. Let me see.