Hello blog, long time no see. If you ask me where I've been so far, I say I was stuck on myself struggling to survive in the jungle to pass myself into the 2nd part of the history. Fortunately, (although I started to walk this way so alone) I didn't finish alone. I met a guy on the middle of, or maybe at the very beginning of this way, who always keeps me warm and safe, and makes me not to be afraid of standing on my own two feet. This is another story of the second part of my life.
Since I met him, my life has been changed a lot. I started to see everything positive and be happy every moment (if I read all my last posts I may say 'who is this gloomy lady?'.... if I'm exaggerating a little bit..), found the real value of life, one of them, the love, of course.... and got a new job (even thought it wasn't from what I expected), moved away from Bilbao due to the job location, cut some off my life, and invited some others to my life, ....
Meanwhile, I received an e-mail from a guy who lived in Germany at the moment, (he moved to Bilbao, soon) that his wife used to read my post on the blog and he hoped that everything had been better as last may. It was a huge reminder that I almost forgot that I had used to write something here. I stopped writing since I left to Mallorca for 3 months that I preferred being floating in the sea like seaweeds, without complicated thinking and with only complete peace that the sound of ocean gave me. There I met many good friends as the travel always brings me good people, enjoyed so much the summer time, then came back to peninsula where my love is.
Monday, 11 March 2013
Saturday, 12 May 2012
And there was no one
This new start makes me dizzy. That dizzying is a sort of fear I'm faced every time. It is an intricate mixture of feelings. And I ask to myself, 'am I doing right?' thousand times. There's no certain place I could take a rest. Sometimes the circumstances make me believe that I'm in a safe zone, and they change as soon as I feel relief.
Yesterday, I found a document file on my desktop, it was a short record of the bad moments I had before. When I realized what it was I felt like deleting it immediately, however, I decided to read it once more before I did. All the letters were written with a plenty of disappointment, sorrow, loneliness and there was only me and nobody. I wrote and hided it even from myself, cuz I needed to express the feeling I had but I didn't want to share it with no one. So now I got an interesting source of trouble. Should I delete it and pretend as if those memories didn't exist at all? Would I not regret if I delete it?
Actually, the file contains also good moments even though they occupy a very small space among the letters. This drives me into the edge of my inner peace. I'm about to fall into the swamp of melancholia, because I know that they won't be removed from my head even though I delete the file. Deleting the file is just an emblematic doing. Would it work? Let's see. Let me see.
Yesterday, I found a document file on my desktop, it was a short record of the bad moments I had before. When I realized what it was I felt like deleting it immediately, however, I decided to read it once more before I did. All the letters were written with a plenty of disappointment, sorrow, loneliness and there was only me and nobody. I wrote and hided it even from myself, cuz I needed to express the feeling I had but I didn't want to share it with no one. So now I got an interesting source of trouble. Should I delete it and pretend as if those memories didn't exist at all? Would I not regret if I delete it?
Actually, the file contains also good moments even though they occupy a very small space among the letters. This drives me into the edge of my inner peace. I'm about to fall into the swamp of melancholia, because I know that they won't be removed from my head even though I delete the file. Deleting the file is just an emblematic doing. Would it work? Let's see. Let me see.
Thursday, 12 April 2012
Physically, but not mentally busy days
Since the internship started, I'm in happy days. Busy life makes me feel that I'm someone worth and totally alive, it makes me be proud of being myself. When it started, I arrived home dead tired. Now I'm used to this, and take the free time to read books, to take a walk along the river or to climb a mountain.. my life is better and rich in affluent circumstances.
I wake up 6 O'clock every morning, have breakfast watching TVE morning news (the only sad part of this routine is I'm not allowed to drink coffee because I got psoriasis, and it gets worse if I drink sth with caffeine) then take a train to the hotel. Comparing with the old days before the internship, despite of waking up earlier, I'm not as busy as those days. Cuz the only thing I do is working at the hotel! Beside it's not hard at all for me, as I wanted so hard to be a receptionist. All the thing I do at my work are the overflowing joy. Even the clients who act so rude, because it's also a part of my job.
And every moment, every minute and second, I wish I could work here as a regular job employee, not a trainee. But it doesn't mean I'm not satisfied because I'm only a trainee, it means this is ideal job for me. Having my age, I've had a plenty of and various kind of jobs which the others in my age couldn't afford to do. I always did my best, but not that happy as I am now. When I worked as a private school teacher, I loved what I do and tried to do all the thing I could, at the same time, I was stressful enough owing to the heavy work that I got to handle in, and by all the late night calls after coming home, from the parents who wondered if their kid was the best one in its class or not, if not, why.
Anyway, I don't even complaining about what I'm doing, there isn't any. Or better said, for the moment. Recently I watched the movie 'Three Idiots', and thought while I was watching, about what the movie wanted to say. If you do what you love to, the money follows. Is that true? This is almost the first time that I work without thinking of money. Only I need this, to feel alive, to feel that I'm needed by others, to justify my being in this society... and I love this job. How lucky I am. I'm doing what I love to!
I wake up 6 O'clock every morning, have breakfast watching TVE morning news (the only sad part of this routine is I'm not allowed to drink coffee because I got psoriasis, and it gets worse if I drink sth with caffeine) then take a train to the hotel. Comparing with the old days before the internship, despite of waking up earlier, I'm not as busy as those days. Cuz the only thing I do is working at the hotel! Beside it's not hard at all for me, as I wanted so hard to be a receptionist. All the thing I do at my work are the overflowing joy. Even the clients who act so rude, because it's also a part of my job.
And every moment, every minute and second, I wish I could work here as a regular job employee, not a trainee. But it doesn't mean I'm not satisfied because I'm only a trainee, it means this is ideal job for me. Having my age, I've had a plenty of and various kind of jobs which the others in my age couldn't afford to do. I always did my best, but not that happy as I am now. When I worked as a private school teacher, I loved what I do and tried to do all the thing I could, at the same time, I was stressful enough owing to the heavy work that I got to handle in, and by all the late night calls after coming home, from the parents who wondered if their kid was the best one in its class or not, if not, why.
Anyway, I don't even complaining about what I'm doing, there isn't any. Or better said, for the moment. Recently I watched the movie 'Three Idiots', and thought while I was watching, about what the movie wanted to say. If you do what you love to, the money follows. Is that true? This is almost the first time that I work without thinking of money. Only I need this, to feel alive, to feel that I'm needed by others, to justify my being in this society... and I love this job. How lucky I am. I'm doing what I love to!
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