This new start makes me dizzy. That dizzying is a sort of fear I'm faced every time. It is an intricate mixture of feelings. And I ask to myself, 'am I doing right?' thousand times. There's no certain place I could take a rest. Sometimes the circumstances make me believe that I'm in a safe zone, and they change as soon as I feel relief.
Yesterday, I found a document file on my desktop, it was a short record of the bad moments I had before. When I realized what it was I felt like deleting it immediately, however, I decided to read it once more before I did. All the letters were written with a plenty of disappointment, sorrow, loneliness and there was only me and nobody. I wrote and hided it even from myself, cuz I needed to express the feeling I had but I didn't want to share it with no one. So now I got an interesting source of trouble. Should I delete it and pretend as if those memories didn't exist at all? Would I not regret if I delete it?
Actually, the file contains also good moments even though they occupy a very small space among the letters. This drives me into the edge of my inner peace. I'm about to fall into the swamp of melancholia, because I know that they won't be removed from my head even though I delete the file. Deleting the file is just an emblematic doing. Would it work? Let's see. Let me see.
