It has been now 3 weeks since I took the official sick-leave. Still have 3 more weeks to think about what to do in the closest future.
I've finally learnt that it is not a clever move to believe someone's goodwill when you are in a crisis. They only care their own benefits and no-one will remember how you helped them and suffered to do that. No one takes care about your injuries when you sacrifice yourself for the others, they only see it as another chance to take advantage of your goodness and manipulate your brain, and make you think that you have done it wrong so you deserve this pain.
When I realized it I felt so lonely, so alone in this world. There was no margin in my head to think about my family, friends who really love me and care about me, all the pain I had to bear just blinded my mind and I was only focused on how the others hurt me and it hurt so much, I wanted to finish it.
I was a fool. I should've ask for help as soon as this started. The false belief that I was strong enough to handle my crisis and the surroundings, made the situation worse, all the decisions I took pushed me in a black hole without exit.
When I screamed for a help with my last breath, he took my hand, his family, and mine, too. My friends who I didn't want to bother with my personal crisis, offers me to help. I was not alone, I was too busy by unimportant things and by people who do not consider me as a another human being to respect, to see with a clear mind what I actually got here.
I learnt after 32 years, that if you are suffering by people who does not love you, there is no need to cry about it. Just ignore them. It is only important the voice of people who love you, worry about you, care how you feel and who will fight with you. There are millions and millions people on the earth and you do not even exist for them. So, do not let your soul wander because some valueless voice tells you that you are wrong. Be strong, be wise. I can overcome anything.
