If only...

Suddenly I feel like writing down all the 'if only's here so they will be erased from my head.

If only I had continued with the band.
If only I had started to learn languages since I was very young.
If only I had gone to Germany after finishing the school.
If only I had traveled around the world instead of studying at the university.
If only I had not met those people so we wouldn't hurt each others.
If only I had been more careless that I wouldn't care about all of that.
If only I hadn't come back to Spain.
If only I hadn't left Tudela.
If only I had traveled back to Korea when I had to choose.
If only my family had come to live with me here in Spain.
If only I had made another decision.

The 2nd era of my life

I moved to Barcelona. It was a big decision for me, I had to leave my comfortable life behind - which includes my job that I was about to change my status from a temporary to a permanent.

Anyways, the first thought I had when I had a final decision was, I came here to Spain with bare hands. Why am I afraid of being a bare hands again? Was it because of my age - that I'm 4 years older than what I was? Or did I get used to this economical comfortability?

So I moved into a small flat located in the heart of Born, Barcelona. Now we are living together for the 1st time of our lives. I said him this would be the 2nd era of our life - it may have sounded so oily but it's true, we had lived individually for more than 20 years to each one's own way. There will be a lot of things we need to arrange properly in order to make this union be on the right path.

I need to find new job here, I hope it won't be difficult as the market says. I'm also thinking to start studying again. There are so many things I want to do with all the free time I got for the moment, first of all, it will be necessary to take a rest then give some priorities to finding new job.

The sunflower I brought from Tudela bursted today as if it celebrates our new starting. 

There are still things need to be moved from my old flat, it will be done within a week, I think. I feel like organizing our new flat!

The storm inside of me

Tomorrow I have the 2nd driving license test. I must be studying right now.

However, the test server's been down since this evening, and this is a nice excuse not to press myself no more, I've been studying for already 3 hours today. Hope this be enough.

Currently I'm being more strange than ever, confusing, stressed out, a bit depressed but at the same time, trying to be more positive than ever, too. If I define my status in one word, what would it be? A chaos? A contradiction?

My days are consisting of counting from one to ten and breathing deeply every seconds. When I get some free time, I try not to be in crowd, find a place where I can only listen the birds singing, leaves moving gently in the breeze, and no one cares even I'm lying on the ground. This calms me down effectively and recharges the positive energy so as I can stand in this storm one week more.

Being in a group of people depressed, frustrated and expecting no future is not easy at all. When I'm not afford to recharge energy during weekend, I just get burnt out before Monday ends. As my position in the work is to encourage, collaborate with people and improve the system we have. It's difficult to overcome a prejudice especially you're new in a gang, and that's what I exactly do: to fight against the fixed idea they have established during 3 years since the starting of this company.

Anyway, step by step. I've decided to give free korean class to my colleagues after Easter week vacation. There are already several applicants for it. Will this be the 1st step for a change? Could I contribute something to our lives? I don't know yet.

So many things have changed, but me

This is my 2nd generation blog. All the previous posts are erased from here for the new start.

As the title says, so many things've changed during I stopped writing here. I met the love of my life I never imagined it would happen to me, left Bilbao to go to Mallorca for 3 months, and am working in a small city in Navarra. Here I'm living with a girl from Uruguay (she's so sweet) and making new friends, as I do always.

The 1st year after leaving Bilbao was hard but interesting enough. 

I always force myself to find new things, but it doesn't mean that I love changes. There are as opposite as two poles between what I want to do and what I really do. 

The 1st day I arrived to Mallorca leaving everything I made behind, I felt so lost that I didn't know why I was there. Soon I got used to the new beach-life - that once you finished the work, all you did is to pack your things and to go to the beach cross the street. 

Then I came back to Bilbao for a month, looking for a new job. Under the economic crisis it was not easy to find a job, especially for a foreigner, but luckily one of the companies that I sent my CV contacted for the interview. They hired me immediately - it was October 2012. Then I moved to Tudela, Navarra. 

This 2nd part of my blog will consist of words finding my ego, I've been struggling for 2 years since I started this job - that my ego always crashes with the ego of company (or my bosses') and it seems that I lost enough the self-confidence I had before. The main story is still being 'Living in Spain as Foreigner', but this time, can be defined as 'Living in Spain as Korean Girl'.

P.S - I started to learn Sevillana Dance. I think it's nice learning something you never wanted to do.