Crying Fist and long week

It's almost finished this long week, and I'm being ready for new week. 

Last week was so long and exhausting for me. I got 5 exams and 2 or 3 group works, also got my own plan for self-improvement, and had to prepare CV and interview. But most of all, one thing made me the most tired is the unknown anger I had. I couldn't help myself thinking about useless things that was impossible to be changed by me, I knew it was totally crap, but I was stuck on it all week. As time goes by, the thought that I have is being stronger and uncontrollable, even in the dream I'm not able to escape from it. 

But that's okay now, I've already thrown it away. Instead I've determined to focus on how to live delightfully. Anyway, this weekend was so horrible enough that I don't even wanna mention about it. I even hurt my fist owing to the fact that I punched someone and something (it has bruise and hurts like hell!). Only let you know that every concern which had been bothering me is perfectly finished. At least I think that is, or just it's my hope........ 

Tomorrow I have a visit to the Hotel Barcelo Avenida which is located in Santutxu, Bilbao, as a part of the study. So far we got 2 or 3 visits and they were good enough, bit boring, though. Then on Friday I have another visit to Vitoria, which is the capital city of the province of Alava. I don't have any idea about the city but as the other field trips until now, the city will be great, too.

Oh, and now I realize that I should have uploaded the pics and stories about the other visit to Rioja Alavesa, every time I just thought it than forget immediately, besides ultimately I didn't have a plenty of free time to do that. During the week I ought to have studied and then had to go out over the weekend to make breathing my poor brain. However, this weekend it made worse than ever, and made me realize that it was time to cut it off from me for the better life. I really hope it works. 

And does anybody have any idea about Korean Grocery Market in Basque Country? I've only seen some Chinese one, that's all. I need KOREAN FOOD in order to cheer me up and to cook for my friends!

자장면 먹고 싶다.

(I wanna eat Jajang Myeon)

Being friend with Spanish guys

Before start this story, I'd like to let you know that I don't have any preconception about Spanish guys. 

Last weekend when I was in Bilbao with one of my friend, I casually met a pilot and his wife who are from Alicante, the northern part of Spain, and they invited us to dinner at the hotel where they were staying. While we were having dinner together a guy entered to the restaurant, who was a co-worker of the pilot, and later he enjoyed out table. He was also a pilot and seemed nice and funny. We had a talk about Pais Vasco for an hour, then as the couple had to fly the next day early in the morning, we were left just 3 of us, the other pilot, my friend and I. He wanted to go to a bar for having some more drink but it was already too late and I was so tired, I said good-bye and tried to left. Before then, he asked me my number owing to the fact that I live in Santurtzi, where the port is, (because he was cruise pilot and he sailed frequently from Santurtzi to other place) so I just gave it. 

The next day, he sent me a text message that he had sent me a pic from Ibiza, and was waiting my answer (I was totally lost and didn't understand what kind of answer I should have written him so I didn't do anything), then he made me a several call and left some voice mail, and when I picked up the phone he asked me if I wanted to sail through the Mediterranean. Of course I said NO. 

And today, after school he called me again, I tried not to care about it but finally answered, because I thought  I had to tell him that I didn't want to do anything with him. He asked me again if I wanted to travel with his cruise to Ibiza or to Barcelona, and if it bothered me that he kept phoning me. So I told him if he didn't have any weired intention it was okay to call me, of course he didn't understand what I talked about. So, I explained him again if he just wanted to be my FRIEND, he was always welcome. Then what happened? He said "OKAY, so I won't bother you again" and hung up without saying goodbye or anything like that.

After that awkward conversation, I was so disappointed because of the feeling that I was treated as a big vagina (I didn't want to mention it but there wasn't any adequate word to express my feeling), over there, this was not the first time. When I was looking for new flat I met several guys who wanted to pay me my deposit because they wanted me to live with them. And some of them even told me that I was the woman of their life, we just had seen each other once and just had short conversation not more than 10 min, though. What I want is not a relationship, but FRIEND. However, it seems impossible to be a friend of spanish guy's, except some case that they already have girlfriend (and sure the girls should be not a jealous type), or they're not interested in a woman. 

What a pity. 

long short story

Ultimately I'm being lazy, more than ever. Nope, I can't tell I'm lazy, just got thousands things to do so didn't have enough time to care about my blog, whatever.

Last weekend was long enough for me, although I just did sleep and drink, watch the Simpsons. That's all I did since last Friday. By the way, where do I start the story? If you've read my latest posts, you might know that this blog is more personal than usual, when I started this I wanted to make some advice or give some helpful information for other Asian people who live in Spain, anyway, in spite of my trying this blog has became my diary... I don't like that but I need somebody who listens me what I'm thinking, I don't mind whoever it is. 

It might sound strange to start like this : I got a tattoo on my right wrist, which is written in old roman letter "BE STRONG". That's one of my motto. I always try to be strong and I think I am strong enough, owing to all the things which I had experimented that I can't talk about. Nevertheless, sometimes I feel myself so tiny and weak, and this feeling makes me be pressed. If you ask me why, I don't know how to explain nor how to persuade you to understand me. Just I don't like people see me frail. So I always pretend as if I didn't mind anything, (but the majority of time I don't really mind or feel anything whether it's good for me or not. Not interested at all.) and didn't feel anything. 

However, as I'm a part of human being, if I say I don't feel anything that's probably lie. Of course I got a thousand kinds of feeling, besides I got a hard mood swing thanks to my bipolar. Fortunately the most of time I'm in a good mood, or version Mania, I think the percentage of Mania that I got is almost 90%, and there is the rest of 10% depressive. My emotion is like a volcano, it possesses itself until it arrives to the point to erupt, than makes a huge eruption for a while. That moment I'm always suffering anorexia or insomnia. After finishing everything it goes back to normal state than keeps calm again. I'm sure some of you guys have the same symptom as I got. 

Return to the point, recently there are a plenty of guys who wanna break my wall, I don't know what the hell kind of intention do they have, the truth is it's not a big deal for me, but it's started bothering me. Don't wanna have some serious thing with anyone, so I just try to enjoy my life on my own, and it has been going well as I thought until yesterday. Last night finally one of those guys broke the wall and tried to spy out my secret. I knew this would happen someday but it came sooner than I'd predicted, and I got so angry by the idea that I shouldn't have loosen myself like that. Ludicrously after seeing my being angry and frustrated he tried to tell me something to cool down my temper, soon it ended in failure because he was telling me exactly the same thing which had been told by the other one 2 years ago, by my ex. When my ex told me those words, I received a strong impression that he was the one who I could trust, and who could make me feel be loved for the first time in my life. Anyway, he wasn't the one. 

I don't know how long I have to be wandering around the world to find my half, the only certain thing is it's not a thing which can be found, there is no way except waiting patiently until it comes to me. What is worse, sadly I'm not a believer in Love. What am I made for? Why I don't feel like falling in love? Why doesn't my heart beat when I'm with someone who is believed my lover? It's next to impossible for me to answer these questions. It really does. 

The Gym, and Visit to Rioja

Tomorrow I have a visit of inspection to a winery, which is situated in Rioja. I'm bit excited because I'd ever been a winery nor vineyard. (Oh no, I'd been in a vineyard when I was ten or eleven, suddenly remembered..) It's being charged my camera battery for tomorrow, I hope it won't be raining when I'm there. - It's been so long time since the last time when I took a photo with my camera, I didn't have any will to do that, but not tomorrow! 

By the way, today I registered in a gym for 2 months. Ultimately I've been loosen myself too much, I even feel like a cuttlefish! So I decided to sign up in. But yes, the truth is there was one more reason : my roommates enticed me saying that there were many handsome guys, and I would be made popular in the gym. Ha-ha, I didn't believe it but finally I did put myself into the god damn gym. And as I guessed there wasn't any piece of handsome guys, only GUYS. Never mind, what I need is exercise, not finding a partner.

Actually I don't mind if the gym is full of Christian Bale or Ewan McGregor, (do I???) I know it sounds like lie but true (really?). I've barely put aside the Anorexia and Insomnia, and so as not to get them again I needed something that I could spend my time and energy for the better. And it successfully worked. After the one hour exercise, when I got home I felt so light and healthy and even I had dinner without any problem. Why didn't I think about it before? 

Okay, the camera's charged perfectly, I got clear mind for the first time in many days, I'm completely prepared for tomorrow's excursion! I think I'm gonna head for the good way to unwind for a while.