Losing hope is easy, dreaming is difficult

 

 Today I've been looking pics from old days, when I was in Korea. I found so many pictures of my band, then they set me thinking. What a precious moment I had with it. Watching videos recorded by some of our friends, reminding things we did, lot of fun we had, all the sweet thoughts made me happy for some time. 

I always wanted to be a rock star. Since I started to play guitar, I used to picture myself playing guitar on a stage. And one day when I woke up, I was playing my music with friends, and there were people who listened our music. But I still imagined something bigger than I had at the moment and wanted to be more and more famous. After 3 years with that band, I realized that I (or we) hadn't grown at all, it really bothered me so I need some change. There were many discussions but conclusion. Finally I put down my guitar then left Korea because I wanted to vary (better said, to change) the routine. I was eager to find something special which can fill my life with more pleasure. I'm still looking for it traveling around world and haven't find anything yet.

And it is, I miss that moment a lot. Playing guitar on a stage, singing OUR song, watching people who are dancing with OUR songs and drinking all night with my friends laughing at nothing. Especially when I feel so lonely, here in Spain, this feeling let me fall apart. Sometimes I'm so lost and don't know where I'm heading to, for what I'm walking along this road that I've chosen and why I've chosen this way. Knowing there's no answer for me and only I can make it, I feel so cut off from the outside world. Of course I got friends here who I can talk to. However, it's bit different. Who knows me for many years and understands me perfectly without words even what I'm doing is totally a bull shit, I need them. The one who just need a beer to be with me, and never be serious whatever I've done, and tells me "you such a stupid creature! haha"

For one step ahead, shouldn't look back what I've done, especially when it let me down. At the moment, I'm too tired to walk another step. Maybe it's time to take a rest AGAIN. 

I miss you guys. I miss you so much.