How far we've come

Or how far I've come. Because there is no more 'We' between us. 

It's been raining all day and still cloudy. I've been sitting in kitchen all morning staring the rain through the window. There were my flatmates at home but I felt like as if I was alone in this house, as I had been last summer after my parents had left Spain. And I remembered the gab of last summer when I was totally alone in this city, when I was struggling for the escape from the loneliness that I had.

The expression of loneliness is absolutely prohibited in this society, I thought. As time goes by, people get more and more lonely, and nobody want to meet the same one as they are, just looking forward to having another one who can share their loneliness and who listens to them all night nodding silently. Knowing this, I used to try to hide what I felt, however, that was not the easy one at all. 

Having remembered of what happened last summer during the 'gab' of summer, I quieted down. The darkness which blanketed outside rode me into deep inside myself to look back upon those days. I whispered to myself that I would never regret what I'd done, because they already consisted a part of my life and I couldn't remove it whatever I did. That's what called Karma, I thought. 

How to finish this eternal circulation of loneliness? I have my mother, who loves me more than anything. I know she can do everything for me whatever it ts, but honestly there is a part in my heart that she doesn't fulfill and I'm sure that it exists also in her heart. 

If you feel as same as I do, I'd like to recommend listening to the song titled "The Origin of Love", from the movie "Hedwig and the Angry Inch". I need a coffee break, it's bit late to have it for me, though.