During weekend I kept going out with my friends, but it couldn't make me so as not to feel depressed. Actually it wasn't a big deal my problems which keep irritating me for a long time. Still, I was obsessed an idea that there was no single way to settle it, and made myself be more blue and blue. My friends noticed it and they tried so hard to cheer me up, I was so sorry but it didn't work. I had to hide my anxiety with a forced smile in order not to let my friends down, and I was half-succeed.
Anyway, if someone ask me what is my concern, I can't tell exactly what I'm thinking. My friends made several attempts but all of them just failed. I'd like to tell about those things but not now. When it comes the moment to tell everyone (even though I thought it would never come) I will, but not now.
The matter is, I'm not able to hide my emotion like a professional, so everyone can notice easily how I feel, and I'm very sorry about creating uncomfortable atmosphere. Okay, at least I've started to eat again as before, I got no more anorexia but INSOMNIA. What a beautiful life, strong mental do I have? What is worse, I broke my Buddhist rosary. Although I don't pray at all, it always helped me when I just brought it on my wrist.
I should have been stronger, smarter and more calm. I can not help blaming myself.
Give me just a bit of peace.
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