Homesickness, or emptiness

So far, I've been in Bilbao for 7 months, and for the first time I've got homesick. In these days I don't have any will of doing something, keep being awaken at night, have lost appetite again and can not concentrate myself on study. I'm just missing my family, my friends and my homeland. This had never happened before. Every time when I was on the journey I enjoyed every single moment that I was being faced, made lots of friends in everywhere I went, of course sometimes I missed my family and friends but not that so much. Perhaps I may need someone who knows me very well, who doesn't need any explanation about me. 

I remember when the friend of Boris's visited our house. During his stay he just saw me twice at the house because I wasn't at home, I was busy going out party every night and came home late. However, he caught something from me, and saw through my heart directly. It was a kind of surprise for me, even he didn't know me at all but he was the first one who had diagnosed me correctly that I was basically empty inside. It's kind of disease that I have and can't be cured, even though I'm with a large crowd, it's not able to get rid of the loneliness from my heart.

But as I'm so lucky at human relations, I've always found some precious connection with people on my way. Here in Bilbao, too. I won't mention their names but they're being valued one for me, and I'm sure if I leave Bilbao I'll get another homesick because of them. Now even I'm confused where I belong, indeed. I think every time I left somewhere I had been for a while, I also left some part of me there, instead the people in there completed the empty space.

Anyway, back to the main story, nowadays I miss my family so much, miss my friends who must be drinking beer, playing guitar and singing punk songs, perhaps dancing at OL'55 or Crossroad at the moment. I miss my little tiny sweet sweet kitties, I miss KwangAn-Ri beach where I used to take a walk in the moonlight and sounds of waves, miss the stage in which I played guitar with my band and the audience, and I miss myself who was so free and never be bound. As time goes by, it's being hard to be as free as before, I'm getting more duties which are given by myself to have a millstone around my neck. I know it's unnecessary and totally rubbish, and I also know that is what people say "Being Grown Up". 

 I don't know what I'm saying now, I'm just writing what comes from tips of my fingers without affectation. 

Tomorrow I have a telephone interview with a hotel of Amsterdam due to the practice during vacation, should be prepared... I don't wanna miss a thing, whether it's big or small chance. I've not been in form today, but hopefully tomorrow will be okay. Cheer up Rahee!